After months of only project-related jaunts into Second Life, I spent a half dozen hours there on Saturday just for fun. I did some sightseeing, shopped a bit and hung out with an old friend. As we were flying through the clouds in her elaborate airship, I suddenly realized that my sense of the virtual world as a "reality" had somehow slipped away since I sold my Extropia home in January. I guess the part of my mind responsible for maintaining the mental model of Second Life had shifted resources to more current concerns.
I find that I am constantly shifting resources to make things fit into the budgetary constraints of my time and attention. There are two contradictory challenges that make it hard for me to find balance between doing, experiencing and simply being:
- an impossible longing to cram the infinite digital universe into the finite boundaries of my time and attention; and
- an insatiable muse who pushes me to be creating something every waking minute.
I've also recently noticed that continuous connection to social networks has made me feel as if I need to constantly create myself within that universe. In some unhealthy way, my sense of identity has moved from a center of introspective awareness and dissipated into the Net.
So I'm feeling like an Avatar without a home.
This too will pass. Thanks for listening.